Love don't live here anymore

Recently, I have been logging a lot of time on Forumosa.com’s Dating and Relationship forum. And from my observations, in cyber world and in reality, I remain with the conclusion that people are not interested in finding love, or having it in their lives, but rather they are infatuated with the idea of love.

It’s hard to draw comparisons between the West and the East when it comes to matters of love. Because both have strong similarities but execute them in different manners. I have been searching to, what I now realize; fill a void in my life. For the past several years I have been obsessed with the why’s of not having a boyfriend in my life. I have searched every nook and cranny in my soul, heart and mind to find the reasons. And living in Asia, where you do see people walking hand and hand everyday very often, it has been a source of emotional pain, discomfort and down right irritating not having an answer. So, I recently took it upon myself to join an online dating service to see if it would really increase my chances with love, pull myself out of a self pity rut. What I have found is something that puts me in to high red zone part of my jadedness.

I’ve encountered several men, some who are in marriages, but seeking girlfriends. Some for sexual pleasures because their wives no longer are as intimate with them as they want, some because they are bored, and then there are the dogs who just like to play, who don’t bother me because they are pretty evident in their actions. What does bother me are the men who are in marriages, seeking outside comfort because they aren’t’ satisfied in their relationships. I had a long conversation with one man online who has been married about 3 years, has a child, and told me that once the child came the wife does nothing but talk about the child and is that she is busy with work. That he’s been feeling ignored and resentful of the child. He says the marriage is a like living with a good friend, but nothing else. While I pride myself on thinking that I am knowledgeable or more aware of marriage problems, and their possible solutions, I still found myself sitting in judgment because the whole thing seemed so childish to me. But then I began to see a common theme for the Taiwanese when it comes to relationships, particularly men. Taiwanese men seem to have a lower maturity level when it comes to having relationships. There seems to be an expectation that they carry into their relationships, especially being constantly sexually satisfied and if this satisfaction isn’t met, then they see it as no fault of theirs but rather the right to do something about it. Sex to them seems to be a vital life necessity. I asked the man if he had talked to his wife, or offered to assist his wife with things that would lift the load. Or if they had taken time just to be with themselves, minus the child. He said they had, but she didn’t enjoy sex and just had it to please him. His situation isn't the first I’ve encountered with this problem, and I wondered what the true meaning of marriage is to the Taiwanese.

On the overall, relationships here seem to be filled with drama. The TV drama kind or the “I’m gonna tested the hell out of you” drama. It’s not always bold fireworks, with someone getting kicked to the curb, but rather, “wake up one day and she/he’s gone with no explanation” drama. This probably comes from the fact that most communication is indirect so therefore one would not know how to be direct when it comes to dealing with one’s emotional state. Or dealing with someone else’s.

Yet, my experiences in Taiwan and Japan, and elsewhere have shown me that it can’t be a cultural thing. It occurs to me that the world really is lacking sorely in succeeding in the realms of love. That people may earnestly say they want it and take steps to plant the seeds for it. But rather than giving it the necessary nutrients needed, they inevitably kill the seeds with conscious and subconscious motivations. If people earnestly wanted to be in love, I am positive that people would be doing what it would be necessary for it to happen but we are so ingrained with a conflict mentality that it’s impossible for any form of growth to take root.

While I could sit in a superiority complex about the Taiwanese about their state of love affairs, particularly on marriage, it just serves no other purpose but to push me farther into the resentment and frustration I feel. What it has done is shown me how willing people are to risk what they all ready have for fleeting pleasures. How we fail to see how our actions do reinforce the very thing that we are trying to extract ourselves from. Even with all this, people will still write about, make movies and songs about love and while I haven't got a clue if it really exists, like most fools in love, I probably will blindly follow the belief that it does.