I’ve been torn apart so many times/Hurt so many times before…..

James Walcott wrote that “No man is an island.” And no better place to see that is in Asia/Taiwan, where ‘guanxi’ (connections) are made use of on a regular basis. In fact, it’s hard to get things done here without them. Recently, I had a incident that proved to me that maybe I should really work harder on getting off of my little island.

Last Friday, doing what dogs do best, my lovely dog, Chocky decided to dig up a potted plant I have on my balcony. Too tired to really be mad, I just went about cleaning it up. This meant, I pushed whatever plants and stuff he dug up down the drain. Around ten o’clock that night, my neighbors from the 3^rd floor come up to my floor to find the reason their balcony is overflowing. I was washing clothes and the water was coming up thru their drain. It was clogged. So, we talk about it, and figure out that it needed to be cleaned. Today, I get the bill, of 3500nt along with being harassed by the guard to pay up. I had told the building manager to come and talk to me. But I know he didn't want to do this because I had told him that this is more than what it should cost. The building manager is saying that is the going rate for a person to come out to snake a drain. I suspect that in the TW way of getting money for your inconveniences, they are overcharging me for just that, the accidental inconvenience.

I talked to a foreign friend to ask advice about how to handle this. He suggested talking to the ward office should anything happen and also to my landlord. Kept telling me that I should call my TW friends to help out these matters but the problem is I have no Taiwanese friends.

During my combined 2 years here, I haven’t made one single TW friend, or what I would call a friend in my book. I know of several TW people, but don’t feel comfortable enough to call them with my problems but that goes with anyone. I have never felt comfortable asking anyone to intervene on my behalf unless; I knew it was safe to do so. I several reasons for my behavior/thinking. Some of it I would like to blame on my parents, but that’s not helpful or necessary. And the other part I would like to blame on my past hurts and failures with making friends. Yet, it doesn’t really make a difference because in the real world, I have learned that one just gets up and keeps trying at it, never allowing one’s past experiences define what the present and future can be. At least if you intend on going somewhere in your life, unburdened from the baggage.

I hoped that my karma would kick in, all those times that I tossed a bone out to someone in need. Alas, it hasn’t. This whole thing just reconfirms how interconnected the world is, how necessary it is to be connected with others around you,(not just for gain) if it doesn’t seem that way in the West.

Send in the Clowns: Teaching English in Taiwan

I’m working in a profession that I occasionally think is beneath me. The ESL profession. 90% or so of foreigners living in Taiwan are working in this bastardized profession. When I worked in Japan, over time a certain amount of jadedness about the profession set in and we would in good humor joke that we were just language whores. Here, in Taiwan, the only sense of humor I have found was possessed by a friend who told me that he was a clown in the profession, albeit a good one. Expendable isn’t a word that can describe the role of the English teacher. While you could beat yourself blue over the same mistakes the Japanese would make, it would be mental suicide to contemplate how the Taiwanese have taken something so promising and turned it around to such a point that it would take a major overhaul on a UN peacekeeping scale to turn it around.

Most people here for the most part I believe enjoy English teaching. I do not, but I’ll get to that later. It requires little effort, in Taiwan, to do, much to dismay (rightly so) of professionally trained ESL teachers since the TW have very little standards for teaching the language. One- a teacher must be a native speaker (not always enforced), and two- the preferred teacher is white, blond and blue eyed. The latter can be altered the further one goes out side of Taipei, or willing to have the patience to search. (The days of walking off a plane into a job in Taipei, are long over with). Yet, in Taipei, parents truly operate on the premise that if their child is educated by a native speaker possessing Aryan looks their child shall eventually quire all the necessary language skills needed. It’s an up hill battle teaching in such an environment with such a mentality. Also add to this the work ethic and business practices of the TW and you sometime have an explosive situation on your hands. There're several elements(I think) that compound the lack of success in the ESL field in TW.

One-The government. A group of postulating adults who like to see themselves in the media more than doing any work that would move the country forward. They have created many road blocks for foreigners working in the ESL profession, that it even has the TW up in arms. You have one group, called the KMT who in their pro-china stance would love to wipe the entire industry out, and send the foreign devils packing. Yet, in this multimillion dollar a year industry it’s the cash duck they won’t behead. Not yet at least. So, while they create crazy even asinine laws that seem designed to limit the growth and expanse of the industry they tolerate the profession until they devise another plan.

Two-Culture. The TW still have to decide if they are Taiwanese or Chinese and where their country stands in relation to the world. So, this schizophrenic self esteem issue cuts to the heart of how they relate to language learning or anything that’s not Taiwanese/Chinese for that matter. This serves as an impediment to their grasp on learning language (aside to natural talents possessed by the learner). It shows up perfectly when teaching children. It’s impossible to be taken seriously by a 10 year who has been in school for 8 hours and all they want to do is play. Add to that, mommy or daddy’s ideals about foreigners, and learning English, or that the bushiban(the language school) is just a day care where the owner is more concerned about making money and keeping the kids happy. This can make the job draining. Also, how can anyone take something seriously when there is no personal connection to it?

For example, I recently had to attend my school’s Parents day. I noticed that myself and co workers were not given name tags that would identify who we were. Now it’s a given that we were the English teachers, but that was it. No point in having something that would let the parents familiarized themselves with us, because We were there to fulfill a function which is how I think the Taiwanese view a lot of things that aren’t Taiwanese. Westerns are here to teach me English, South East Asians are here to serve as caretakers or factory workers and etc. The function of the English teacher varies from job to job. Some jobs require that you entertain the kids, some require actual teaching, and some require being the exposure for the kids learning the language.

There’s also a ‘quickie’ mentality in the ethos of the society. A ‘me first’ way about doing things. This practice of getting thing done with out regards to quality or creating durability makes me wonder how can one apply ones’ self to the task of learning an language with patience, discipline, and with staying power. This is why the industry in Taiwan is so profitable. It’s similar to the drug companies in America approach to illness-make something that will allow the person with the illness to function, to live with the disease. Make another English product that appeals to the delusions of progress as oppose to designing something that would produce authentic results. The TW have been studying English so long and at such early ages that in theory this country should possess a certain body of strong bilingual people. But in reality because of the lack of standards it has become more like the cult of endless studying.

Three-The Foreign teacher. When I first started I actually thought that I was doing something rather unique and rare. By the end of my 1^st job in Japan, I knew otherwise but it still held promise. The status and role of the foreign teacher in Taiwan has been an eye opener on many levels. When I first came here, I counted my blessing on having lived in Japan. That experience gave me the basic knowledge on what to provide in a classroom. It also enabled me to navigate the enviroment without having known anyone. Finding a job here and living here can be just like being at home. You have to go out and find it yourself, but where the hard part comes in is dealing with TW bosses. If you aren't schooled on how to bargin for your paycheck, or know what the rules of engagement are here, then you can end up very much screwed. With a capital S. Note to anyone thinking about coming over to teach---DO YOUR HOMEWORK. Know what the going rate is, and what you want on the job and not. If you don't set the limits then your boss will have you working harder than a slave on a Mississippi plantation in July. And because people haven't done this or the fact that the market in Taipei is becoming more and more flooded, along with teachers who are willing to work for lower pay, the TW bosses are doing more and more things that violate the laws. And also, because many teachers have that "im only gonna be here for a year...." mentality, TW bosses don't see it a necessary to actually enforce the laws. As if anyone paid any attention to the laws in the first place......
Having a degree is required if one wants a work visa, but to find a job in Taiwan teaching doesn’t require a degree. Having a degree doesn’t mean that a person will be able to teach any better or worse than a person without a degree. Although this job has given me the chance to travel I think often that my students would be better off if they were exposed to someone who had qualified training.

The foreigner teachers you get here are of a various natures, ages and stages in their lives. There’s the backpacker, the eternal spring break college kid, the legit college grad, the person on the lam, the person who is running away from personal problems, the retiree, the pedophile(rare), the language student, the pick up a paycheck type and the regular Joe who enjoys working and living abroad. The consensus of the foreign teacher here in Taiwan , is that it’s a person who is here for the money alone, (if it’s a male he’s on the prowl, so lock up your daughters), and not to be fully trusted because they are known to run off into the night with your money. It’s not uncommon to take a job, where the boss wants to keep a part of your pay as a means to keep you to your word. It’s illegal but it happens. Then there are the few horror stories you hear about the TW bosses and their way of doing things.

Most these points are my observations of how it all operates in Taiwan. At times it can be rewarding, especially when you have a group of students that are willing participants and you can see them making strides. My current situation is good, where I am at a school where learning is top priority, but on some days I spend more time yelling at the students to get them to settle down and quiet down which just drains the fuck out of me and leaves me wondering why I even bother. Then there are the limitations of the professions itself. You can branch out and become a busiban (language school) or move up the ranks at one of the chain schools in to the management, but this career doesn’t offer much to be desired in terms of career growth.

I don’t regret having the experiences I have had thru the job. Teaching has taught me how to drop having unrealistic expectations of people, how the difference you will make is not the one you expect to, and a whole host of other things. Would I suggest it to someone else? Possibly. If you are adventurous, willing to try something new and brave the unknown I would say do it but be willing to be a teacher in many senses of the word.

This is a man's world

Last Tuesday I got the email. "Wanted! Japanese and black females needed for TV ads/TV show." I figured what the heck, since I was still on my Oscar high, and getting through my 'why aren't I in LA working on film' low. I emailed back that I was a black woman and would be interested. I got the reply that this was a TV talk show, that it was discussing relationships between Taiwanese men and Foreign women. Not exactly my cup of tea, but I was still open to the possibility of what could come. Thursday arrives, and wouldn't you know it to be my busiest of days, as well as the rainiest day I could imagine. By the time I got home, I was to tired to even think about discussing relationships. The only one I wanted was with my couch and TV. I called the agent to let him know. A few minutes later I get a return call.
"Uhh, Hi Jennifer you called?"
"Yes, I did. Sorry I can't make it tonight. I am beat tired."
"Oh, but I need you to come. You have to make it"
"Sorry, but it's been a long day and I really am tired. I'm sure it's going to be okay, you have other foreigners there right?"
"Uhh, yea, but I really need you to be there. You sure you can't make it?"
"No, I am really too tired, haven't eaten and my dog has been at home all day, alone. You have other foreigners like you told me. "
"Uhhh, yea I have other foreigners, but I told them I would be bringing you. I really need you to come. Are you sure you can't do this?"
At this point of his persuading, I had to let him know that I didn't see how this would benefit me. I ended up going but having some sort of compensation for my time, albeit not a large amount, but something is better than nothing.
I arrive at the TV station wearing a nice turtleneck and black pants. A crew member looks at me and nervously babbles about how it's not going to work. I was suppose to have dressed 'nicely'. Hahah, doesn't he know that since living in Taiwan, for me to get out of my sweats, is dressing nicely. They immediately went for plan B which was to go to Xinmending(a fashion area in Taipei)to find me a nice dress. I have a large adverison to wearing dresses, especially in the winter. I told the guy it would be a waste of time and money since, most of the clothes here for women are a size 00 to 2 and I'm a size 10. He wouldn't listen, so I had to repeat it several times before he got it. Then they wanted me to wear a evening gown and high heels, something else I hate doing here because it puts me in the golly green giant range. But we went to my house for me to scrounge up something, the guy wanted to come to my apartment to see what clothes I had, which I didn't let him do. I found one skirt and a pair of high heeled boots and an orange blouse. I kept wondering and asking what this program was all about, but kept getting half answers about this and that. It seemed harmless so far, so I decided to play along.
Back at the studio, I stuffed myself into my clothing. Ah, reminder to get back into using my gym membership. And waddled out for the wardrobe guy to take a look. Fine, but the head wardrobe lady wasn't as impressed, as she snidely nodded her head and ran off for a smoke. They led me and a Thai girl into the studio, where we waited while 6 guys, including a foreigner who's been here for 15 years, were on set talking and getting warmed up. I chatted with the Thai girl for a moment, and realized that it was going to be the two of us only. This is not good, for the show was all in Chinese, and while my Chinese is passable when using a cab or ordering food, kids can do better than me when having a discussion. I was ready to bolt, but the agent sensing my worry tried to use butter me up, "oh your Chinese is fine. I was happy when I heard you use it in the cab, etc" I grated my teeth for I knew the inevitable of falling flat on my face was coming. It's times like this you get to practice grace.
They began the show, and from what I could tell, the hosts asked the guest what did they like-Asian women or Black women. Everyone generally didn't care for black women, except this really ugly dude with a horrible lisps and underbite. Who said he liked black women for their bigger bottoms then glanced at me. I was laughing so hard, because if you put me next to the 'average' black woman, bootielious is not a word that you would use to describe me.
After they had their discussion, we were called out and introduced. The first question posed to me was "Did I bite my hand when I ate chocolate?" I couldn't answer as fast as I would have liked, but gave the guy an expression of like you have to be joking that you would ask such an innate question.
Then they went to a break. I figured that there would be several 'breaks' which would be a marker for commercials, but nooo, they just kept on rolling and talking, while I had to sit on a stool smaller than my ass(that's small) and under hot lights, all the while trying to suck in my ever expanding gut. Oh and smile ever so sweetly as a lady would do in Asia, while dealing with questions that ranged from "Would your parents allow you to marry an Asian" (at this point they don't care) "They say the 21st century is the Asians century, you think is true"(nope, it's gonna be for everyone) and "What did I think about Asian women who studies English to have sex with foreigners?"(it's their perrogative). The Thai girl faired much better than I at her questions, as they were FAR easier than mine but luckily there was another guy there, who's been here for 15 years and hosts a show on another channel who assisted me with the questions. Bottom line is after 1 year of studying Chinese, and not being able to string a sentence together quickly simply embarrassed me.
I realized that Asia is just a hard nut to crack. Mentally, emotionally and verbally. It's hard to compare my experience with the stereotyping that goes on in America, because as a black woman I deal with it all the time. Yet, there was something very humbling about the experience and very degrading. In 1966 , James Brown sang "It's a man's,man's,man's world". His point is that even though man has created so many things in this world, he points out that it would be nothing without a woman. Yet, you wouldn't see this from the conversations we have everyday about the women in our lives. Some how men and women have gotten disconnected from that life force that makes up the feminine energy. That energy that creates,nurtures, and defines our lives. Hopefully this is what the 21 st century will be about. Returning back to ourselves, the goodness in us, so that entertainment will be about entertaining not degrading.